Save the Drama For Your Mama... oh wait, that's me

My husband is out of town and I’m sitting here alone giggling about how crazy toddlers are. I’m not even sure “crazy” is the best or most appropriate descriptive word for what they are. Maybe something more like a mix between bi-polar/ psycho/ unreasonable lunatic? Actually, I like “unreasonable lunatic.” But maybe more like “part-time unreasonable lunatic.” Because sometimes she’s adorable and sweet. And then in the blink of an eye she’s back to “unreasonable lunatic.” There’s the bi-polar kicking in.

Tonight for instance, she did not want me to leave the table at the restaurant to go to the restroom. And by not want me to I mean she was screaming and bawling and making a scene. When I asked her if she wanted to get out of her chair and go with me, she immediately yelled “no” without thinking. This is another problem. “no” comes out of her mouth whether she means yes OR no. it’s awesome. She’s told me “no” generally 350 times before dinner.

While I love carrying and snuggling my baby… she’s not a baby anymore, nor is she little! Even if the doctor wouldn’t have told me to refrain from lifting her if possible… I would still be trying to transition her to walk more. She’s seriously too heavy for me. And she’s only been walking for 8 months now so I think she has the hang of it. Her new protest is not wanting to walk herself into school. So when I set her down and attempt to take her hand, like usual, she tells me the standard “no” and then stands there with a defiant scowl on her face. Yesterday I told her a car was going to hit her if she didn’t get on the side walk (mom of the year) and that worked. Not so much today. She’s on to my bluff. Today I walked away, even to where she couldn’t see me and she still didn’t budge. Stubborn like her father. But since she actually is in a parking lot I can’t leave her there, so I ended up picking her up. Taytum-1, mommy- 0. And get this.. when we got 3 feet from the door I asked her if she wanted to walk like a big girl… and she said yes. Huh?

Another outstanding moment was at Thanksgiving. She told me she wanted more water. Good talking! So I take the cup and open the lid to give to my brother to fill with water and she flips out. Throws herself on the ground. Tears streaming. Flailing. Classic. I can’t wait to have two. Actually, I think that is part of the current fit throwing. We’ve talked about her being a sister enough at this point… and mommy is looking and acting differently… so I think she gets that something is about to rock her world.

Speaking of the new baby… have I mentioned it’s a girl? Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be a “girl mom.” When I was pregnant with Tay I REALLY felt like it was a girl and I was right! That obviously means I have a special talent and will know what this one is, too. Well I REALLY felt like it was a boy. I’m sure they nurse who told me it was a girl probably thinks I’m an awful person because all I could say in shock was “oh, ok.” I know this is pay back… pay back for every sass comment or eye roll I gave to my mom. And I can clearly hear my mom laughing in heaven every time I think about this irony.

Can’t wait until they are teenagers. 

World's most okayest mommy has the secret

As promised, like three months after I promised it… “the world’s most okayest mommy blog.” Yup, that’s me! No super mom over here… we’re just gettin by. Yah, that’d be super rad to sit down to dinner together every night… and I get to feel guilty every time I read the hand out at my pediatrician’s office that says “continue to eat dinner together each night” …. but let’s get real. We’re lucky I make it to the store once this week and even have food to consume in the house, at all. Not to mention, the little monster is hungry at 5:30, I’m hungry on an unpredictable basis, and daddy is hungry the minute he walks in the door which, thanks to traffic, is unpredictably predictable each night. Soooooo, if we can all be in one room talking about our day, at one point in the night… I’d consider that a success. Sorry June Cleaver, or whatever mommy role models I should look up to, that’s all I got.

In addition to the fact that I don’t aspire to be a famous chef, I admit that I’m not, AND I’d rather get a run in than cook a feast. Luckily, I married a man who feels that same way. Additionally, he has on more than one occasion, turned down my home cooked meal for a whisky drink and working on a project in the garage. So I no longer feel bad about not cooking. Even though my grandmother likes to guilt me about it. I CAN say (with me chest puffed out) I made ALL of Taytum’s baby food. BAM! Take that! Okay, so it wasn’t that hard. And I still make her apple sauce because it’s ridiculously easy and tastes better than anything you can buy. So really the moral of that story is… if I can do it….literally anyone in this world can do it. So that’s my claim to fame… baby food… yup. And she’s a picky eater now, so that worked out well. She’s challenging me at 18 months, super, can’t wait until she’s a teenager, if she’s half as moody as I was we will be lucky.

Which brings me to the asinine picture that goes with this blog. Everyone out there is promoting something that will change your life! Give you more energy! Make you lose weight! Give you more self esteem! I, too, have that secret. And it’s bound to make me some enemies. It will cost you nothing, but if you’d like to send me a check for $29.99, be my guest. It’s called stubbornness, competitiveness, and desire. But mostly competitiveness. And competitiveness with myself… for the most part… except when my husband is running 1.5 steps in front of me and I’m debating A) trip him or B) yell at him. I digress. Anywho, I gained 19 pounds when I was pregnant. And I kept track of every… single… thing… I ate. Why? Not because I didn’t want to get fat…. Okay maybe a little… more so because as much as it was in my control, I was going to make a strong, healthy baby. I made sure to consume X grams of protein (and I literally can’t remember how much that was) and all the other recommended what nots. And with any extra calories… I ate ice cream. Like almost every night. It was awesome! Not an awesome habit to kick, after the fact, but in the moment, AWESOME!

So off of the ice cream talk and back to my secret to being fit….. EAT WHAT YOU FREAKING WANT! Some times, and in moderation. But then, like, the rest of the time, control yourself. I guess you could call this balance…. “behave during the week and party on the weekend.” You see, I run to eat… Not eat to run… eating to run is not fun! Brown rice and chicken breast and veggies IS… NOT… FUN… 24/ 7. Even you health nuts can admit that! It’s just not! My first question when I’m on a long run with my husband is “what are we eating for lunch?” I need a goal to run towards. Chicken breast is not that goal! Pizza? Billy Bob’s Hamburgers? Now that’s something to run for!

Disclaimer… this diet plan will never be published anywhere that matters because selective readers just read “eat ice cream and pizza and trip your husband and you’ll be skinny!”

Disclaimer continued… No, I do not think I have the best bod. I think I’m decently fit and healthy and I’m good with that.

Okay, so in summary, because I like there to be a summary to the madness….. life’s short, eat what you want… in moderation. BUT STILL EXERCISE. And don’t smoke. The end. Oh and my family is surviving. The end end.

Tales of the most okayest mommy to continue… because folks, this is an ongoing battle. 

Sorry, not sorry

At least once a week I think “I haven’t written anything on the blog in awhile” but then, like the ADHD kids I work with, that thought is gone and I’ve moved on to 1 million other things on my to-do list. And honestly, I should be sleeping right now (Or working, yes, working would be productive). I was trying to sleep, but my mind wouldn’t let me. So instead of writing this blog in my head I got up to do something about it. I’ve debated many times about writing this and I’m just going to do it while I know it’s not an uplifting topic.

This blog, folks, is my Public Service Announcement about smoking. I’ve been thinking about this for almost a year now. And now that the year anniversary is approaching, things are getting tough. It was October when I finally got a clue. When I stepped out of my “new working mommy with a crazy commute” of a life and saw that something was very wrong. I knew when I caught her laying down instead of playing with the grandkids. I knew when she didn’t eat all her enchiladas. I knew when she turned me down for a 2^nd beer at dinner. I just knew. We found out the day after my birthday. And here we are again… approaching October. My birth month, that I always make way too big of a deal out of. And here it will be every October.

And as the title says… sorry, not sorry…. I honestly don’t care if I hurt someone’s feelings with this blog because it could save your life.

STOP SMOKING NOW! I mean seriously! Even if you’re an occasional smoker… STOP! (I’m sorry if you’re a close friend or family member and this hurts your feelings…. but get a clue). If you had seen what I have seen you wouldn’t pick up another cigarette ever again. I’m waiting for the day when I lose it at the grocery store when someone in front of me is buying cigarettes. Right now, in my head I say “Don’t you know, lung cancer is a really horrible way to die.” But if I’m caught at the wrong moment, on the wrong day, I could see it coming out of my mouth.

I’m certain you think I’m crazy at this point. My husband says all women are crazy, so does this really make me special?? But actually, overall, I think I’ve held it together decently well. At least once a day, usually more, I say to myself “this just sucks” and “it’s not fair.” But I have never once blamed God or questioned my faith. My mom was a good person. A great mom. And an even better grandmother. And having known her and being loved by her was a blessing. But God didn’t do this to her… cigarettes did. Now I can’t explain how my great-grandmother smoked and drank all her life and lived to be 90 something. That just brings me back to “It’s not fair.” And furthermore on the “it’s not fair” spectrum of life…. here I am, back in my home town, working at my dream job, living in my parents house, with my brother living 3 blocks away! Talk about blessings. And it’s not fair that I get all of those things… because of her…. And without her.

So stop smoking! And then go get a body scan! And even if you have stopped smoking (because she had also) go get a scan! So you have a fighting chance if something is there. And for heaven’s sake, go to the doctor if something hurts.

Everyone take a DEEP BREATH now that I’ve depressed you all! Say a prayer and thank the Lord for your family.

I have a much, much funnier blog that’s been going through my mind entitled “world’s okayest mom” (and yes I know that’s not original). I’ll get to that one and some comic relief (after this hate-fest of a blog) hopefully very soon. 

Turkey Trot Planning Begins!

We got together with some wonderful family and friends tonight to kick this thing off. Really, I was just overwhelmed trying to organize this by myself and meeting with others who will keep me accountable kick started the process of actually DOING… not just mental planning. I thought I’d provide a summary of our discussion in case anyone wants to volunteer for anything or has any other suggestions.

·        The race will start and end at Hardt Reality. Packet pick up will also be there the night before. Specific times TBD. Shout out to Hardt Reality for being our headquarters! Everyone go buy a house from them!

·        We will need volunteers on the day of packet pick up and on the day of the race. As the event comes closer I will send out more information about that.

·        We will have sponsors for the start and finish line as well as mile sponsors. Start/ finish line will be $100 and the other markers will be $50. I will make a flyer to email/ give out to business or individuals that might want to donate.

·        We want to have really great “swag bags” for this event. They will include a shirt, race number, and other donated items. For instance, Chopin Vodka is donating chap sticks. Donations of items such as small bottles of water, granola bars, coupons to local businesses etc. would be appreciated. We are also open to ideas for other items. Cash donations may be used to buy items. Sandra Tondre, Morgan Tondre, and Joann Van Winkle are heading up this venture.  

·        T-shirt design will be similar to years past with the Alsatian house but with some additional reference to mom. And it was decided this year the shirts will be orange to honor her. Call it “burnt orange” “panther orange” or “thanksgiving orange”… whatever you need to call it to be able to wear it, but nothing would have pleased mom more than a sea of orange in her honor.  Shirt design will be by my stellar sister-in-law, the amazing Kimber Robinson.

·        A bank account needs to be opened. Um, I’ll do that.

·        The amount of money for the scholarship will be dependent on how much we raise this year. We have a goal of $1000 but hope to exceed it. I personally hope to exceed it by a lot but who knows since this is the first year.

·        The scholarship will be open to all seniors that live in Medina county. Preferably those that are going to college to pursue a career in the medical field.

·        We will meet again at the end of August to check in on how everything is progressing. More info to come on that.

So loyal blog reader, I’m sure you’re thinking “how can I help?” The possibilities are endless!

·        Do you know a vendor that can get us a deal???

·        We will need volunteers for the race and packet pick up. Want to volunteer to help with any of the above? Be my guest!!!!

·        Make a donation! Get a friend to donate! Get a business to donate!!!!

·        Register for the race AND run it! Or just be a “sleep walker” and register without running.

Mom devoted much of her life to being a pharmacist at the local Walmart and helping people. What a better way to salute her than devote some of your time (or money if you don’t have time). You’ll notice there are a lot of exclamation marks throughout this blog indicating my level of excitement. And I so desire for the community to be excited about this event, too, and for it to be a smashing success!  

And in the middle of all this we have to move out of our house within the next THREE WEEKS! Actually it’s more like 18 days. I shouldn’t have counted that. Oh dear. Time to grab a beer.... and a box. Story of our lives! Always busy! But seeing all your glowing, happy faces at the race on turkey day will make it all worth it!

The End of a Nightmare

Welcome to the blog that is my summary/rant about my experience through grad school (the second time around). The title of this blog is the best summary I can give to the experience…..  3 year nightmare. OK, so this last year hasn’t been as bad because I was just working and didn’t have to go to class but we still had assignments to turn in. I am beyond ready to have my life back. 

[And just to explain what I do… I am a Licensed Specialist in School Psychology. I test students for learning disabilities, behavior disorders, Autism, etc. I can also provide counseling services but that’s not my fave. There’s a lot more to this job but that’s the easiest way I can describe it. Similar to a diagnostician but we can do more (sorry diag friends).]

Some days I honestly am not sure what I was thinking when I signed on to do this. I wanted something more than the job that I had and the impression central office was giving at that time was that jobs there were scarce and wouldn’t be available for a long time. Then there’s the total misrepresentation that Trinity gives about how much its program costs. “With tuition breaks and being paid for working through the program it’s essentially FREE!” Not hardly! Now, if you didn’t need the money you were getting paid for working to actually live and could allocate it back to tuition then it might have been closer to free.  But who lives in that world? Certainly not me.  My first master’s program (@ UT) was part time and that went decently well and was relatively easy…. I quickly found out that part time school and working full time is VERY different than full time school and working almost full time. 

I also have some significant complaints about how some of the classes were structured and run. If I’m paying that much money for classes I shouldn’t have to learn how to do something on the job. This has frequently been the case. I’ll stop there and spare you on my specific complaining because it’s a lot of “you had to be part of it to really understand” kinds of things.

Now all that belly aching aside… I do enjoy my job. It can be very busy and very stressful but the days fly by because of that. The Masters in Special Ed and all my experience definitely helps out with this job but it also gets me in trouble, too, as I have been told I over step the parameters of my current job. I also met some very good friends that I know I will consult with about LSSP stuff for the rest of my life. My LSSP besties call each other the three thirds. The three of us combined make one fantastic LSSP. That may be the biggest positive to this whole thing… that I got to work with some tremendous LSSP’s that I consider friends as well as colleagues.

A lot of life altering things happened over the three years of this program. I got married! I was pregnant for most of my second year (pregnant lady on campus... talk about an easy way to scare undergrads). Had a baby. And lost my mom. I got teary as I typed that last sentence. That is actually one of the reasons I chose not to walk in the graduation ceremony. My mom is the only one in my family who would have genuinely wanted to be there. And I think sitting there and thinking about that would make me a mess! And I don’t want to make the rest of my family sit through my 4^th graduation either. 

So I started this whole thing under the premise of “it’s only 3 years of my life.” You can do anything for just 3 years right??? Well, I suppose that is correct. I did survive. And I have no better summary for those 3 years of school than “thank goodness it’s over.” AND I better get a job! Speaking of which, keep your fingers crossed that this blog is followed with one within the next month of how I actually got a job… to be continued.

Wasn't expecting that...

I’ve been debating about the subject of my next blog now that the “100 happy people” challenge is over… and here comes “the challenge” again! A little back ground….the church invited people to share their journey by emailing in our experiences. So I just emailed the link to my blog as I wrote it. I’m sure about a billion other parishioners emailed stories, too. Today I got an email, with attached consent form, from Max Lucado’s assistant letting me know that Max would like to use my story in a future book! How neat is that! I thought maybe if something were funny he would mention it during one of his sermons… but being part of a book about this experience is way cool! And now I’m so curious what he would use! And how many other people got the same email. And I hope it was decently written and I don’t sound like a fool. I’m sure I spelled something wrong… I always spell something wrong. Hopefully it won’t be a direct quotation ;) So I now have a fantastic conclusion to my “100 Happy People” journey… person 101 is ME! You can certainly make someone happy by putting them in a book.  

End of the Journey

Week “who knows at this point” update

It appears that I wasn’t very active in making people happy over spring break. Possibly because I spent a lot of time at home working and had little interaction with others? More likely because I was not in the happiest mood last week. I find it difficult to spread happiness when you lack the feeling yourself.

Person 61- I sent my Mamaw a card and picture of me and my mom from my wedding for her to have. I had just stuck a stamp on it and put it in the mail when she texted after reading my previous blog and said “you make me happy whenever you call or text.” She also shared with her bible study group the 100 day challenge and that I had been recording my journey through my blog.

Person 62- some very good friends of ours are about to have their second baby and I took her our bassinet to borrow and a bag of baby clothes.

Person 63- A friend from high school organizes races and has been a tremendous help planning the Turkey Trot. I ran into his mom at an event this weekend and told her how impressed I was with her son and how thankful I was for all his help.

Person 64 and 65- When Tay and I were on a run we passed a couple working in their yard and I yelled “looking good” as we passed. With shock in his voice he said, “well thanks!”

Person 66- On the way to the district office I bought a bag of candy. The lady who works at the front desk always has a smile and a kind greeting. She was talking when I walked by so I just laid some candy on her desk and went upstairs. When I left I asked if she had seen the candy… she was very thankful and said she had been surprised and wondered who left it.

Persons 67- 77- I left a basket of candy at one of the LSSP computers and another in the kitchen. I’m sure this made at the very least 10 people happy although it may have been more. I personally feel like I won the lottery when I stumble upon free food at work J

Person 78- The SLP (speech and language pathologist) at my campus and I have very different personalities and tend to butt heads from time to time. I saw him sitting in the conference room waiting for a meeting and I took him some candy as well. Funny… his response was “is this a trick?” and we laughed and chatted for a few minutes.

Person 79- One of the special education teachers at my school is super helpful and very kind. I texted to see if I could bring her something from Starbucks one morning… she decline but then later emailed and said it was nice that I thought of her and she felt special… so I’m counting it!

Person 80- I was getting subway for lunch and picked up a sandwich for a friend.

Person 81- At the store in line waiting to check out, the lady in front of me dropped something out of her basked and I picked it up for her. It was only then that I realized she was a “coupon-er” and I was stuck behind her because I had already unpacked half my basket. So I practiced another idea from our pastor… pray while you’re waiting in line! It really does help me to not lose my cool as I’m losing those oh so precious moments waiting in line.

Person 82 and 83- Our friends Jeff and Haley are truly a gift to us. They are there for support, to help with Tay, and just for fun! Seriously, any time we need them. So this weekend I took over some beer and wine that I thought they might like. It doesn’t even begin to say thanks for all the do for us but it was a nice gesture I suppose.

Person 84- 100(ish)- In thinking of how I was going share joy with more people I decided to do something I don’t normally do… I ordered 20 Easter cards with my cutie patootie of a daughter’s smiling face on them. I sent them out to some of our very closest family and friends that have been there for us since my mom got sick. I’m sorry if you didn’t get one…. I only ordered 20!

That brings me to the end of my 100 happy people journey. Just in time for the end of lent. This week is hard because my family always has a big fish fry on Good Friday. It’s so hard without my mom because she loved stuff like this. She loved to party… that’s why I love to party!  It just doesn’t seem right without her. I'm not sure how to conclude this experience, I think because this week is difficult. I guess the silver lining is getting to see all of our friends and family this weekend... and while mom's not here to enjoy it with us, she's watching over us from the biggest Easter party of all.