Sorry, not sorry

At least once a week I think “I haven’t written anything on the blog in awhile” but then, like the ADHD kids I work with, that thought is gone and I’ve moved on to 1 million other things on my to-do list. And honestly, I should be sleeping right now (Or working, yes, working would be productive). I was trying to sleep, but my mind wouldn’t let me. So instead of writing this blog in my head I got up to do something about it. I’ve debated many times about writing this and I’m just going to do it while I know it’s not an uplifting topic.

This blog, folks, is my Public Service Announcement about smoking. I’ve been thinking about this for almost a year now. And now that the year anniversary is approaching, things are getting tough. It was October when I finally got a clue. When I stepped out of my “new working mommy with a crazy commute” of a life and saw that something was very wrong. I knew when I caught her laying down instead of playing with the grandkids. I knew when she didn’t eat all her enchiladas. I knew when she turned me down for a 2^nd beer at dinner. I just knew. We found out the day after my birthday. And here we are again… approaching October. My birth month, that I always make way too big of a deal out of. And here it will be every October.

And as the title says… sorry, not sorry…. I honestly don’t care if I hurt someone’s feelings with this blog because it could save your life.

STOP SMOKING NOW! I mean seriously! Even if you’re an occasional smoker… STOP! (I’m sorry if you’re a close friend or family member and this hurts your feelings…. but get a clue). If you had seen what I have seen you wouldn’t pick up another cigarette ever again. I’m waiting for the day when I lose it at the grocery store when someone in front of me is buying cigarettes. Right now, in my head I say “Don’t you know, lung cancer is a really horrible way to die.” But if I’m caught at the wrong moment, on the wrong day, I could see it coming out of my mouth.

I’m certain you think I’m crazy at this point. My husband says all women are crazy, so does this really make me special?? But actually, overall, I think I’ve held it together decently well. At least once a day, usually more, I say to myself “this just sucks” and “it’s not fair.” But I have never once blamed God or questioned my faith. My mom was a good person. A great mom. And an even better grandmother. And having known her and being loved by her was a blessing. But God didn’t do this to her… cigarettes did. Now I can’t explain how my great-grandmother smoked and drank all her life and lived to be 90 something. That just brings me back to “It’s not fair.” And furthermore on the “it’s not fair” spectrum of life…. here I am, back in my home town, working at my dream job, living in my parents house, with my brother living 3 blocks away! Talk about blessings. And it’s not fair that I get all of those things… because of her…. And without her.

So stop smoking! And then go get a body scan! And even if you have stopped smoking (because she had also) go get a scan! So you have a fighting chance if something is there. And for heaven’s sake, go to the doctor if something hurts.

Everyone take a DEEP BREATH now that I’ve depressed you all! Say a prayer and thank the Lord for your family.

I have a much, much funnier blog that’s been going through my mind entitled “world’s okayest mom” (and yes I know that’s not original). I’ll get to that one and some comic relief (after this hate-fest of a blog) hopefully very soon.